Summary
According to Ira J. Tanner, in “Loneliness” in Harper & Row, Publisher, Inc., 1973, p34-51, “we attempt to escape the responsibility for our fear of love” (p34) “to justify our bitterness and fear by playing the role of victim” (p35) and to solve this problem, “beginning by taking small risks at first” (p37) is best way.
Tanner said we try to regard ourselves as victims when reaching out other people’s love and failing to get their responds (1973, p34). According to Tanner, it means that “As victims, we are unwilling to take the responsibility for our decisions, feeling, and behavior” (1973, p35). The author attributes the cause of this tendency to our idea to justify bitterness and fear that we would feel (Tanner, 1973, p35). By justifying our emotion, according to the author, we can “blame others for our hurts” (Tanner, 1973, P35) and it “enables us to do something about them” (Tanner, 1973, p34). Also, Tanner attach it is possible to continue through life in much the same fashion (1973, p 34).
The author suggests “beginning with small risks” as solution for this (Tanner, 1973, p37). According to Tanner, “If we begin with big ones, and if things go wrong, we may not be able to assume responsibility for the painful reaction” (1973, p37). Tanner said, however, if we allow ourselves to take a small risk and “start the safest and most responsible way to begin to express our feelings” (1973, p38), we can take the next step. (1973, p38) And Tanner conclude we could be “in the position of being more responsible for all of our feelings; trusting them more and consequently being less afraid of love” (1973, p39)
In conclusion, Tanner argues that we tend to victimize ourselves in relationship with others, because we want to evade responsibility for our fear of love (1973, 31-37). However beginning by taking small risks carry us over this, he said (Tanner, 1973, p37-51)
Critique
Tanner’s explanation is easy to understand. First, he gives appropriate example for his arguments. When he explains to overcome avoiding responsibility, he shows one of his patients’ cases, and analyzes it step by step. On every step for his patient to express his emotion to others, Tanner try to explain the reason for he to choose that method and change of his confidence. Also, he is likely to use common example, but he suggest different aspect of it. For instance, when he mentioned “the most popular games of childhood such as “if it weren’t for you,” (Tanner, 1973, p34) “see what you made me do,” (Tanner, 1973, p34) and “it’s all your fault” (Tanner, 1973, p34) His sharp eyes pointed out that all these games “place the responsibility for hurt, fear, or mistakes out there” (Tanner, 1973, p34). It makes us understand the secret mechanism of our emotion through observing common examples we already know and repeat all the time.
However, the only problem this chapter has is there is no unity in this part. When we see the title “how we escape responsibility for our loneliness” we can only expect contents of this chapter is what kind the responsibility is and why we escape it, but he conclude the result for this so fast and attached “several of the myths about loneliness,” (Tanner, 1973, p43) which has nothing to do with previous contents. It is very important part in his whole book; however, this cannot be a good reason enough to get rid of the doubt why it should be placed in this chapter.
In conclusion, he explain the mechanism of avoiding responsibility for fear of love with specific and appropriate examples, but some part spoiled the unity of this chapter.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Because of our fear of love...
Summary
According to Ira J. Tanner, in “Loneliness” in Harper & Row, Publisher, Inc., 1973, p 1-20, “we are lonely because of our fear of love” (p.3), and it is born and accelerated in childhood through communication within parents (p.4-11).
Tanner argue that “no one escapes loneliness, because feelings of inferiority, based upon a fear of love, are a basic condition of childhood” (1973, p4). Loneliness has its beginning in this childhood, between the ages of one and three, when child try to reach out for love (Tanner, 1973, p2). According to Tanner, however, when it is not rewarded, “the child does not understand intellectually the reasons for the lack of response” (1973, p3) even though parents can not pay attention to him or her with other reasons (1973, p3). The author point out that “the child can interpret this lack of response is to doubt his own self worth concluding that there must be something about him that is unlovable” (Tanner, 1973, p3-4). It means, according to Tanner, “he is discovering that whenever he reaches out for love there is risk; sometimes the response meets his needs, at other times it is woefully inadequate” (1973, p4). Tanner said, therefore, “The less we are willing to risk, the more lonely we become” (1973, p14).
Through communication with parents, this tendency is accentuated. According to Tanner, “As child grow older, asks more questions, and expresses his individuality in the form of adventure, inquisitiveness, curiosity, and spontaneity, adults unwittingly apply value judgment apply value judgments to what he expresses” (1973, p4). Tanner said “It isn’t surprising that these judgments gradually lead the child to conclude that his person has two sides - a good and a bad side, or a weak side and strong side” (1973, p.6). So Tanner mentioned “he concludes that if he is to remain in the good graces of his parents and not be cut off from their love, he will have to try to abandon his “bad’ or “weak” side” (1973, p6). According to author, in other words, “The natural flowing manner in which he would spontaneously respond to outside stimuli gradually gives way to the manner in which he feels he should and must respond if he is to keep the love of his parents” (Tanner, 1973, p7) Tanner conclude that “he loses his own central valuing system” and it make his loneliness more worse. (Tanner, 1973, p7)
In conclusion, according to Tanner child become to learn there is always risk with loving keeping to doubt he is not lovable, and it is accentuated through communication with his parents (1973, p1-20).
Critique
Tanner’s argument, “loneliness result from fear of love” is interesting and reasonable. His opinion, loneliness results from childhood event, is based on the fact that communication mechanism which is built up during young age repeated again and again in rest of our life. The author’s observation to read and to follow children mental process is sharp and brilliant; however it is not creative, because the foundation is Dr. Fraud’s theory, all of mental phenomenon result from childhood trauma. Also he should have explained relation between fear of love and loneliness more specifically. It should be attached that Child is easy to avoid taking a risk in relationship and it make him hesitate to show his love to somebody. In addition, “fear of love” is not enough to mean fear of possibility love is rejected, because simple “fear of love” does not contain to doubt one’s own worth. However Tanner’s point of view, loneliness is self protection process to prevent to take a risk is persuasive.
According to Ira J. Tanner, in “Loneliness” in Harper & Row, Publisher, Inc., 1973, p 1-20, “we are lonely because of our fear of love” (p.3), and it is born and accelerated in childhood through communication within parents (p.4-11).
Tanner argue that “no one escapes loneliness, because feelings of inferiority, based upon a fear of love, are a basic condition of childhood” (1973, p4). Loneliness has its beginning in this childhood, between the ages of one and three, when child try to reach out for love (Tanner, 1973, p2). According to Tanner, however, when it is not rewarded, “the child does not understand intellectually the reasons for the lack of response” (1973, p3) even though parents can not pay attention to him or her with other reasons (1973, p3). The author point out that “the child can interpret this lack of response is to doubt his own self worth concluding that there must be something about him that is unlovable” (Tanner, 1973, p3-4). It means, according to Tanner, “he is discovering that whenever he reaches out for love there is risk; sometimes the response meets his needs, at other times it is woefully inadequate” (1973, p4). Tanner said, therefore, “The less we are willing to risk, the more lonely we become” (1973, p14).
Through communication with parents, this tendency is accentuated. According to Tanner, “As child grow older, asks more questions, and expresses his individuality in the form of adventure, inquisitiveness, curiosity, and spontaneity, adults unwittingly apply value judgment apply value judgments to what he expresses” (1973, p4). Tanner said “It isn’t surprising that these judgments gradually lead the child to conclude that his person has two sides - a good and a bad side, or a weak side and strong side” (1973, p.6). So Tanner mentioned “he concludes that if he is to remain in the good graces of his parents and not be cut off from their love, he will have to try to abandon his “bad’ or “weak” side” (1973, p6). According to author, in other words, “The natural flowing manner in which he would spontaneously respond to outside stimuli gradually gives way to the manner in which he feels he should and must respond if he is to keep the love of his parents” (Tanner, 1973, p7) Tanner conclude that “he loses his own central valuing system” and it make his loneliness more worse. (Tanner, 1973, p7)
In conclusion, according to Tanner child become to learn there is always risk with loving keeping to doubt he is not lovable, and it is accentuated through communication with his parents (1973, p1-20).
Critique
Tanner’s argument, “loneliness result from fear of love” is interesting and reasonable. His opinion, loneliness results from childhood event, is based on the fact that communication mechanism which is built up during young age repeated again and again in rest of our life. The author’s observation to read and to follow children mental process is sharp and brilliant; however it is not creative, because the foundation is Dr. Fraud’s theory, all of mental phenomenon result from childhood trauma. Also he should have explained relation between fear of love and loneliness more specifically. It should be attached that Child is easy to avoid taking a risk in relationship and it make him hesitate to show his love to somebody. In addition, “fear of love” is not enough to mean fear of possibility love is rejected, because simple “fear of love” does not contain to doubt one’s own worth. However Tanner’s point of view, loneliness is self protection process to prevent to take a risk is persuasive.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
2. The Nature of Loneliness
John Bowlby said in “Loneliness” in the MIT Press 1973, p33-52 “to avoid isolation and to maintain proximity to a familiar figure”(p49) are for “minimizing the possibility of danger and maximizing safety”(p49) and it is found “not only in man but in other species as well”(p47).
Bowlby explain “Bonds between individuals develop, because an individual discover that, in order to reduce certain drives, for food in infancy and for sex in adult life, another human being is necessary.”(1973, p40) Also he point out “we learn that human beings are convenient agents for helping us avoid pain which repels us” (1973, p.41)
With regard to these purpose of proximity, Bowlby explain it with baboon’s example. He proposes that “those early members of the species who lacked effective proximity-promoting mechanisms must have been more likely to become isolated from their band” (1973, p34). It is because “lone creatures possessing neither outstanding strength nor other natural weaponry would have been easy prey for the large carnivores” (Bowlby. J, 1973, p34).
In conclusion, Bowlby suggest “mechanism of loneliness must have become part of the human responses pattern as a result of their utility for the survival of the species.” (1973, p33)
Vocabulary
Proximity nearness in distance or time
We chose the house for its proximity to the school.
Wander to walk slowly across or around an area, usually without a clear direction or purpose
I'll wander around the mall for half an hour.
Compulsive compulsive behavior is very difficult to stop or control, and is often a result of or a sign of a mental problem
Vicissitudes the continuous changes and problems that affect a situation or someone's life
The vicissitudes of married life
Notably used to say that a person or thing is a typical example or the most important example of something
Some early doctors, notably Hippocrates, thought that diet was important.
Perquisite something that you get legally from your work in addition to your wages, such as goods, meals, or a car
Flee to leave somewhere very quickly, in order to escape from danger
Many German artists fled to America at the beginning of World War II.
Whilst while
Tenaciously determined to do something and unwilling to stop trying even when the situation becomes difficult
A tenacious negotiator
Confront if a problem, difficulty etc confronts you, it appears and needs to be dealt with
The problems confronting the new government were enormous.
Repel if something repels you, it is so unpleasant that you do not want to be near it, or it makes you feel ill
The smell repelled him.
Accumulate to gradually get more and more money, possessions, knowledge etc over a period of time
It is unjust that a privileged few should continue to accumulate wealth.
Imprint to print or press the mark of an object on something
One snowy morning footprints and tyre marks were imprinted in the snow.
Tactile relating to your sense of touch
Tactile sensations
Baboon a large monkey that lives in Africa and South Asia
Bowlby explain “Bonds between individuals develop, because an individual discover that, in order to reduce certain drives, for food in infancy and for sex in adult life, another human being is necessary.”(1973, p40) Also he point out “we learn that human beings are convenient agents for helping us avoid pain which repels us” (1973, p.41)
With regard to these purpose of proximity, Bowlby explain it with baboon’s example. He proposes that “those early members of the species who lacked effective proximity-promoting mechanisms must have been more likely to become isolated from their band” (1973, p34). It is because “lone creatures possessing neither outstanding strength nor other natural weaponry would have been easy prey for the large carnivores” (Bowlby. J, 1973, p34).
In conclusion, Bowlby suggest “mechanism of loneliness must have become part of the human responses pattern as a result of their utility for the survival of the species.” (1973, p33)
Vocabulary
Proximity nearness in distance or time
We chose the house for its proximity to the school.
Wander to walk slowly across or around an area, usually without a clear direction or purpose
I'll wander around the mall for half an hour.
Compulsive compulsive behavior is very difficult to stop or control, and is often a result of or a sign of a mental problem
Vicissitudes the continuous changes and problems that affect a situation or someone's life
The vicissitudes of married life
Notably used to say that a person or thing is a typical example or the most important example of something
Some early doctors, notably Hippocrates, thought that diet was important.
Perquisite something that you get legally from your work in addition to your wages, such as goods, meals, or a car
Flee to leave somewhere very quickly, in order to escape from danger
Many German artists fled to America at the beginning of World War II.
Whilst while
Tenaciously determined to do something and unwilling to stop trying even when the situation becomes difficult
A tenacious negotiator
Confront if a problem, difficulty etc confronts you, it appears and needs to be dealt with
The problems confronting the new government were enormous.
Repel if something repels you, it is so unpleasant that you do not want to be near it, or it makes you feel ill
The smell repelled him.
Accumulate to gradually get more and more money, possessions, knowledge etc over a period of time
It is unjust that a privileged few should continue to accumulate wealth.
Imprint to print or press the mark of an object on something
One snowy morning footprints and tyre marks were imprinted in the snow.
Tactile relating to your sense of touch
Tactile sensations
Baboon a large monkey that lives in Africa and South Asia
Sunday, September 16, 2007
vocabulary
Symptomatology ?(not in a dictionary)
Manifestation = demonstration
Manifestation of the disease made people scared
Excruciatingly = extremely
His essay is excruciatingly bad.
Baffle = confuse
That question baffled me totally.
Aberration = an action or event that is different from what usually happens or what someone usually does
Consequence = result
Decrease of export is one of consequences of inflation.
Exotic = foreign
This bird is exotic.
Disparage = ridicule
The comedian is widely disparaged by other comedians.
Frailty = weakness
She is ashamed of the frailty of her thin body.
Reclusive = isolated
She became reclusive after divorced.
Undignified = unseemly, improper
There was an undignified scramble for the free drinks.
Gratification = satisfaction
The success gave a lot of gratification to us.
Uncanny = weird, very strange
That was really uncanny coincidence.
Berate = to speak angrily to someone because they have done something wrong
Peculiar = odd
There was peculiar smell in the kitchen.
Manifestation = demonstration
Manifestation of the disease made people scared
Excruciatingly = extremely
His essay is excruciatingly bad.
Baffle = confuse
That question baffled me totally.
Aberration = an action or event that is different from what usually happens or what someone usually does
Consequence = result
Decrease of export is one of consequences of inflation.
Exotic = foreign
This bird is exotic.
Disparage = ridicule
The comedian is widely disparaged by other comedians.
Frailty = weakness
She is ashamed of the frailty of her thin body.
Reclusive = isolated
She became reclusive after divorced.
Undignified = unseemly, improper
There was an undignified scramble for the free drinks.
Gratification = satisfaction
The success gave a lot of gratification to us.
Uncanny = weird, very strange
That was really uncanny coincidence.
Berate = to speak angrily to someone because they have done something wrong
Peculiar = odd
There was peculiar smell in the kitchen.
Loneliness chap 1.
Loneliness: The Experience of Emotional and Social Isolation
1. The Study of Loneliness
According to Robert S. Weiss, in “Loneliness” in the MIT Press 1973, p 7-30, even though there has been little research on loneliness(p.9), “useful distinction between emotional and social isolation”(p.19) was built, and its effect is depend on ages, gender, and wealth(p.26).
The writer explains the reason that few psychologists or sociologists have studied the ordinary loneliness of ordinary people is neglect of loneliness (Weiss, 1973, p.9). He say “Loneliness is much more often commented on by songwriters than by social scientists” Frieda Fromm-Reichmann also noticed that “the absence of attention to loneliness was to be explained not by the challenge loneliness presented to understanding but rather by the threat it presented to well-being (Weiss, 1973, p.10).
However, Weiss established a distinction between two sorts of loneliness: emotional isolation and social isolation (1973, p.19). According to Weiss, first one “results from the loss or lack of a truly intimate tie (usually with spouse, parent, or child)” (1973, p.20) and second one is “consequence of lacking a network of involvements with peers of some sort” such as fellow workers, kinfolk, neighbors (1973, p.22)
Also, Weiss explains specific group of people are more vulnerable to loneliness. Through a telephone survey, he figure out that women are easier to feel lonely and it is more sever as they get older (1973, p.26). Weiss adds poor people are more likely to be lonely comparing to rich people (1973, p.27).
1. The Study of Loneliness
According to Robert S. Weiss, in “Loneliness” in the MIT Press 1973, p 7-30, even though there has been little research on loneliness(p.9), “useful distinction between emotional and social isolation”(p.19) was built, and its effect is depend on ages, gender, and wealth(p.26).
The writer explains the reason that few psychologists or sociologists have studied the ordinary loneliness of ordinary people is neglect of loneliness (Weiss, 1973, p.9). He say “Loneliness is much more often commented on by songwriters than by social scientists” Frieda Fromm-Reichmann also noticed that “the absence of attention to loneliness was to be explained not by the challenge loneliness presented to understanding but rather by the threat it presented to well-being (Weiss, 1973, p.10).
However, Weiss established a distinction between two sorts of loneliness: emotional isolation and social isolation (1973, p.19). According to Weiss, first one “results from the loss or lack of a truly intimate tie (usually with spouse, parent, or child)” (1973, p.20) and second one is “consequence of lacking a network of involvements with peers of some sort” such as fellow workers, kinfolk, neighbors (1973, p.22)
Also, Weiss explains specific group of people are more vulnerable to loneliness. Through a telephone survey, he figure out that women are easier to feel lonely and it is more sever as they get older (1973, p.26). Weiss adds poor people are more likely to be lonely comparing to rich people (1973, p.27).
Monday, September 10, 2007
Another Step to Forward
Hello, brand new class~
I'm jay from Korea, as you know.
I was university students in my country (one year's left until graduaion).
My major is business and management.
I love all kinds of new trial, and hate all kinds of block.
So that is why I learn a lot from trial and error.
Anyway, let's have a fun during 2 months!!
I'm jay from Korea, as you know.
I was university students in my country (one year's left until graduaion).
My major is business and management.
I love all kinds of new trial, and hate all kinds of block.
So that is why I learn a lot from trial and error.
Anyway, let's have a fun during 2 months!!
Monday, June 25, 2007
leadership drill
Source
Leadership drill
Newsweek
from http://feedroom.businessweek.com/index.jsp?fr_story=4b577fb2302907856f848d9be17d9a86e3957af3
Summary
This video is an interview with Courtney Lynch, a former Marin Corps Captin. In this interview she introduce her book, Leading from the front. This book is about leadership tatics for the female officers. When she worked for Marin Corps, there was only 1,000 female officers, compared to 180,000 male officers. This situation made her to be interested in woman's leadership skill, so she wrote this book after quiting her job.
Mrs. Lynch said female leaders need two kinds of leadership skills. One is comon skills for both man and woman such as being decisive, having courage, and setting vision. The other is just for woman, and it is about a emotional issue, that is, right styles of communications. For example, pepering one's speech with "I'm sorry" or having tears in office place is not good for one's leadership, she said.
Also, she talks about making decisions. In business fields, it is impossible to get 100% perfect informations, so it is not good to try to seek right answers always. In other words, there was no perpect right decisions and perpect wrong ones. She argues a choice makes progress.
Opinion
This interview consists of 6 questions and answers, and through these the author explain her experiences and thoughts in detail. These makes listeners (exactly female officers) to want to buy her book for improving their leadership skills, I think.
Leadership drill
Newsweek
from http://feedroom.businessweek.com/index.jsp?fr_story=4b577fb2302907856f848d9be17d9a86e3957af3
Summary
This video is an interview with Courtney Lynch, a former Marin Corps Captin. In this interview she introduce her book, Leading from the front. This book is about leadership tatics for the female officers. When she worked for Marin Corps, there was only 1,000 female officers, compared to 180,000 male officers. This situation made her to be interested in woman's leadership skill, so she wrote this book after quiting her job.
Mrs. Lynch said female leaders need two kinds of leadership skills. One is comon skills for both man and woman such as being decisive, having courage, and setting vision. The other is just for woman, and it is about a emotional issue, that is, right styles of communications. For example, pepering one's speech with "I'm sorry" or having tears in office place is not good for one's leadership, she said.
Also, she talks about making decisions. In business fields, it is impossible to get 100% perfect informations, so it is not good to try to seek right answers always. In other words, there was no perpect right decisions and perpect wrong ones. She argues a choice makes progress.
Opinion
This interview consists of 6 questions and answers, and through these the author explain her experiences and thoughts in detail. These makes listeners (exactly female officers) to want to buy her book for improving their leadership skills, I think.
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